Turns out that 25K later, our donor had a lousy cycle, almost like the ones I can have for far less money! Yes, it's a known risk...we're talking about humans and much to my constant frustration, we just can't control how humans will respond to these situations. If we could, I'd have 3 children running around! And we had made the decision to go with a new donor - we really liked her write up, motivation, personality... and hey, how many screened 28 year olds have crappy cycles?? haha, live and learn!
Our donor did not respond particularly well. We ended up with 8 retrieved, but only 4 mature. However, all 4 matured so that was positive news.
We had a call from the nurse on Saturday, telling us that our transfer was scheduled for Monday July 26 at 2pm. I asked her how our embies were doing, and she told me that she had no idea, that "wasn't her job". What? Seriously? You can't tell me how my 4 embies are doing, in a lab down the hall from where you are? Nope, that is the embryologist's job, and turns out, they don't communicate. But, no fear, she tells me, if there was bad news you would certainly hear! So, in my head, I have 4 happy embies dividing and conquoring away in their petri dish! Fantastic!
We arrive at the clinic, FULL bladder and all, and they're running behind. I have to pee 2x...just a little I promised... and I managed to do just that, just a little. I am more concerned with losing control in the stirrups at this point than the actual transfer- I wonder fleetingly if this is why they make you have that full bladder- pure distraction!
We get settled in our room, and the ultrasound tech takes a quick look at my belly and sends me off to the loo with a plastic cup, telling me to fill it...twice! Turns out my bladder is SO full they can't see a thing! So, sweet relief, I return, no longer concerned that I'll pee on the doctor as I'm in my sensitive position in the stirrups! Phew! I tell her she is my new BFF.
The embryologist enters the room with our report. We have ONE blast for transfer. ONE! What? Turns out that one had not made it to blast, one other didn't have anything inside the outer ring, and the last had stopped dividing, so they were going to disgard it after the transition. ONE? And that 25% success rate didn't warrant a PHONE CALL? Then she passes us our report card, and heads back to her room beside the transfer room, where she prepares to pass the embryo through the window to the doctor. The doc comes in, introduces herself, and everyone is in a positive mood. We joke about the super bladder (the ultrasound tech says she's amazed I could even walk to the washroom with that thing so full), and she explains exactly what will happen in a matter of minutes.
First, she does a trial with cathedar but she can't really see where she is, though she compliments me on my fabulous lining... I felt so proud... she then trys another one, called a Sureview or something along that theme. It looked like it has tiny lights along the tube, but really they are tiny air bubbles in the plastic that the ultrasound machine picks up easily. That one lives up to its name and they know exactly where they'll place our wee embryo. Soon, the big monitor above the doc's head shows a big picture of our embryo with our name on the dish, then the embryologist sucks it up, passes it through the window, and we are off to the races. Really we can't see a whole lot. After about 1000 ultrasounds, I'm still a bit baffled how they see what they see!
We drive home from Seattle, kinda chuckle at the customs officer asking if we have anything to declare.. ummm, eggs? Blasts? We had actually got eggs at Trader Joe's on the way down so felt that was honest..enough.
So, that was the 26th. The following Monday, I POAS, though the test was not scheduled until Thursday. BFP! WHOOOOOO HOOO. So, I called our local clinic and they sent a requisition for a blood test for Tuesday. Results on Wednesday... 17. Having been through 2 prior chemical pregnancies we were a bit nervous. Ok, a LOT nervous. BUT, we're early, right? And according to Dr. Google, on the low range of normal. I'm cool with normal! So, our repeat beta is scheduled for Thursday. Friday I get the news. Beta is 7. I send a quick email to my boss telling him I"ve had some bad news and that if I have to talk about it I'll cry, and neither of us wants that, so I'm going home. And home, I lose it. Can't stop crying. WHY WHY WHY? I'm not a bad person. DH is not a bad person. And I KNOW bad things happen to good people. But that SUCKS.
Our donor-coordinator told us that rarely do they have successful outcomes after poor responses...and they typically only see a cycle this poor once or maybe twice a year. Hmmm, is the universe trying to tell us something?
What now?
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I am so sorry to hear your news. I think it is easy to get hopes up thinking DE is the silver bullet (after all, the odds are so very much higher than with own eggs for those over 35). But, it doesn't always work the first time. However, statistics show that about 90% of patients using donor eggs will have a live birth within 3 cycles.
ReplyDeleteOne more thing - don't beat yourself up over choosing a non-proven donor. Studies have shown that donor age is actually equally if not more important than proven fertility - as long as the pre-cycle tests look good.
You might want to consider a clinic that offers a success guarantee - there are many here in the states, and several in Europe as well. I think the lack of communication about your embryos is shocking frankly - and I would want that addressed before doing anything else. Also, in Oregon there is a very well respected clinic with some of the highest DE stats in the US - it is Oregon Reproductive Medicine. I have no idea where you cycled, but that might be a clinic to consider for the future?
Wishing you all the best! Take some time to heal from this loss, and I hope that very soon you have the child you are meant to have.
PS - there is a great online community for parents (or parents-to be) using donor eggs - http://www.pved.org